The fine line between looking like you feel…and feeling how you look!  Which comes first?  The chicken or the egg?  The look, or the attitude?

Ladies,

We have all probably heard at some point the advice to, “fake it ‘til you make it”, especially in terms of what we wear.  There is a fine line however between dressing yourself into the person you are trying to be, and feeling so un-natural in what you put on that you end up giving everyone, “awkward vibes!”

So where is that line?  It’s different for all of us, and I would venture to say it is a moving target depending on the season of your life.  Let’s look at a few scenarios, and see if how we put ourselves together, or not together, can change things.

Errand day – I used to swear that I would never wear an event t-shirt in public.  The way I was raised, those t-shirts you receive for promotions, volunteering, or from your sorority, were used for cleaning at home, and nothing more.  Then I grew up, got busy, got sick, and found myself traipsing to the grocery store at the age of 30 in Victoria’s Secret lounge pants, and a not-too-fitted spring-break t-shirt, no make-up, and hair thrown up in a clip.  Hey, I’m new in town.  Who’s going to be checking me out in the bread isle?  Well, I was lucky enough to not run into anyone I knew in that state.  However, when we moved to a smaller, wealthier area, I noticed that the local woman put it together when they left the house.  There were collared shirts, coordinated Nike running outfits, pearls with blazers, and of course, heels!  What!? I thought this was a beach town. Well, I like to dress up as much as I like to dress down, but some days, I want to rock the Beyonce, “I woke up like this”.  Then you get out of the habit.  Then when you do try to pull out the fashionista within, you feel less confident and uncomfortable.  Then, you act less confident and uncomfortable.

Why does this matter?  

It’s networking and opportunities. I’ve always loved meeting people when I’m out and about.  I love getting to know the woman checking me out at the store, swapping recipes with the man bagging my groceries, and truly thanking the guy who helped me get the cheapest rate on my shipping at the UPS store.  However, if I’m not feeling myself, I’m less likely to linger, to make eye contact, or if something’s not going well, to stand up and advocate for myself.

So, ladies, what can we do to feel a little better about ourselves, even on those rough days?  Here are a few things I’ve found that help me-adjust as necessary:

1. Buy great comfy pieces that FIT!! Stop buying things that don’t quite fit hoping that you will squeeze into them. It’s a waste of time and money and makes you feel bad about yourself.  If you are going to spend money on it, make sure you can wear it tomorrow.
2. Know your color pallet, and stick to it! Variety is great, but in all likelihood, there are probably a few colors and tones that really complement your skin, eyes, and hair.  You probably get some complements when you wear them, and that of course will give you more confidence. I love purple and lavender, the colors, but I do not wear them well.  Teal and coral are my go-to, everyone always says turquoise brings out my eyes, and I’d rather they look at my eyes than my stomach, you know what I mean? So I tend to buy most of what I like in those colors, and then have plenty of neutral jeans, tanks, and jackets I can mix and match.
3. Jewelry, and a purse you love. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but maybe a step-up from Charming Charlies for your every-day set of earrings/necklace.  The idea is that you don’t want to have to think too much about putting it together if you have a surprise meeting, or need to run across town for something.  So I found some great stud earrings for about $25 at TJMaxx that match my wedding ring, and I wear a simple chain and pendent necklace all in the same rose-gold.  It’s a little boring, but it makes me feel feminine, without drawing extra attention. It works with everything, my jeans and blouse, or my pencil skirt and jacket, so once they are on for the day, I don’t have to re-think it if I change for something else.
4. If you do work from home, try to start your day with a work-out, a shower, and a few comfy tops that would still look ok if you had to skype with someone. These steps of intentionality will help you feel in charge and in control of your day, and more ready to tackle challenges.
5. If you are at the office all day, try to figure out a standard you can keep up with. It can be tempting to go all out for interviews, and your first few weeks…but as you get into the work, start to feel over-whelmed, and let appearances slide…I know I’ve been there!  So finding a go-to look, a simple way to fix your hair, and one or two make-up palettes that let you just run down the line and go…will make your life so much easier. Also, here’s the super special secret…people at work, like you to look about the same every day.  If someone is looking for you across the office, or meeting you for an appointment, it gives THEM a sense of comfort if you look about how they pictured you, it also creates trust – because you’re not surprising them and making them adjust their expectations on the fly.  (I am tall with curly hair, and people always seemed to enjoy telling me that they “spotted me across me across the room.  I didn’t know why they would always announce this to me like I was winning a prize, but I’ve come to understand that it brings them comfort, and builds our relationship.  When you can picture how someone will look or act before you see them, it makes you feel like you know them and are connected to them.  Great for those of us who are leading!)

Moral of the story ladies? Some days, your clothes can make you – and some days, you make the clothes. It’s ok either way, just own what you need today, and feel fabulous while you get the job done!

Happy Monday ~ Captain Morgen